The wind blew through the blue ocean till the end of the street where i was sitting down there staring at the people moving around. The sunlight kept me warm and it has given my cheecks that redish color. And the clouds were so pure they looked like cotton candies that were ready to collide and form different shapes. I started shaping up a heart with my finger and it suddenly brought up the ache in my heart. I felt it for so long it became a daily thing. That ache hasn't left since a year and more. I sat there clueless of what was the reason behind that ache but i didn't know why it hurt this bad it wasn't a physical pain but an emotional one that gets bigger and bigger by the day and i thought it was better that way, That i didn't know why this pain is just there attacking me everyday. And maybe the answer to it could break me even more and add up the pain.
I walked back to the shaliah and i saw my mother sitting on the couch watching a crap tv show that i never liked , but i wanted to spend as much time with her before leaving to America to attend my first year of college. so i decided to sit down next to her on the fluffy couch.
" youma shinu il '3ada " i asked and my stomach kept rumbling around. " machboos deyaya haw shfech lujain gabel shway sa2latne wa jawabtch" my mother said annoyingly. I never remembered the fact that i asked my mother a while ago. I was confused and it was drawn all over my tanned face. My hazel eyes kept blinking and it did that when i tried remembering. i pulled up my long curly hair into a bun and i sat down on the table waiting for the lunch to get served. My mother sat down next to me and we started to eat.
After lunch ended, the buzzing from my room was too loud for me to avoid , so I climbed up the stairs and I opened my phone to find " Taiba" calling.
" aloo"
" lujain dfa3tay 7ag the apartment ?"
" eee minziman laish shfech"
" la bs 5ft Inch
nesaitay .. Uh 89de 3shan ya3ne ma nitwahag lama no9al wa mara7 iykon 3ndna mokan inam fe wa ..."
And before she can continue I cut her off , she seriously needs to breath first of all and second of all I'm not that dumb . Its obvious that she including my mother don't trust me in remembering things and she wasn't too smart to hide the fact that she is worried about me. Little did she know that I was worried about myself more.
" Taiba chill , I got it under control don't worry I didn't forget "
" *nervous laugh* of course anyways I have to finish packing Cham shay I'll talk to u later "
" good luck bye "
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And just like every good thing comes to an end , today is my last day in Kuwait before traveling abroad to America with my best friend Taiba. Thinking about it brings back so many feels. Time flies by way too fast. Just yesterday Taiba and I were friends in kindergarten when she started defending me in front of the girls who hated my drawing and she kept telling them that it was different and nice . and since that day we were inseparable. We had play dates , tea parties , small outings to the park and so much more stuff we did. And as we grew older the memories started to blurr and I barely remember anything now except that her short ombré hair still hasent changed and the fact that her dark brown eyes still light up under the sun light and that she has a curvy body that she's so insecure of .
" 76aytay fo6a ?" My mother asked and the list went on and on and on..... My mother was so precious about things and she liked it to be perfect although it didn't exist in our world but in hers it did. " wain il telephone ily 36aitechya" she said and my heart started to beat faster. I have a feeling I lost it and that a lecture was going to come soon. A very long one." Bl um.. bl jan6a " my shaky voice revealed the lie I was trying to hide." Warene Bala" she folded her arms and I knew that this was one of the singles that she was getting mad. " iy9er awareychya ..." And before I can say " ba3dain " , she cut me off by saying " '9aya3te mo" and my slight smile was a "yes " to her question. " ba3dain weyach Lujain , joteye '9aya3te wa mashaitha , telephone '9aya3te wa Ana mit2akda inech nasya wain 7a6ayte , wa mara7 amasheha , Ana madre shlon waf86 inech itsafren America wallah galbe kan 7as " she left the room and I thanked god a thousand times for this silence rather than my mom's lecture. I could just sit there and look at the white walls in my room that were covered with old photos of my childhood it was better than packing and better than my mom's lectures.
I finally closed up my bag and It felt like I accomplished something huge. I was too exhausted to do my happy dance, so I threw myself on bed and as I was about to close my eyes and drift into la la land, I remembered that I had to find the phone my mom gave me which was for international calls and most likely a phone to call my parents when i'am in America . I started looking around for 10 minutes and then suddenly it started ringing. I quickly grabbed it out of the closet and kept asking myself why the hell would it be in there. But then again I don't even know. I held the phone tightly scared of the fact that I might loose it again and I started walking up the stairs to find my mom and tell her that I have found it . As I was about to reach the last step, the whisper of a women's voice held me off guard, so I stopped to listen carefully.
" are you sure she's going to be okay ? "
" is there any medicine for her case"
" it's been over a year and you keep telling me the same thing , it isn't working"
" I gave her enough time and it isn't helping for god's sake ".
My ears were too surprised that my very own heart couldn't believe the words coming out of the women who is my mother. There has to be more to this. I knew she was hiding something from me. Something big and powerful . I knew that I wasn't normal. I felt it every day. The ache in my heart is the proof to that and that empty feeling in my heart too. And the fact that i keep forgetting things was worrying for a reason and this was it. The reason that I didn't know . I should have read the signs earlier. I should have noticed. But right now all I wanted was to forget it all , this conversation, the fact that I might not even be normal or okay . I wanted to forget it so badly just like everything else. But I couldn't .....
